When I had social anxiety, I was pretty miserable. I didn’t know how to make friends, how to talk to girls, how to flirt, or how to seduce women. I was completely clueless!
I searched online, just like you. The internet knows everything, right?
I found a ton of articles and books and forums and advice and success stories. I spent a lot of time and a lot of money studying everything. The best openers. All the routines. How to approach sets of different sizes. Cold reading. Attraction, Comfort and Seduction. The forbidden patterns. Everything.
And you know what? None of these things worked for me.
First of all, I was pretty much incapable of opening. It was physically impossible for me to approach a girl and start talking. Some people call this “approach anxiety”, and for a long time I thought that was my problem. Only later I realised I actually had social anxiety, which is infinitely worse than mere approach anxiety. Fortunately, I found a way to treat my own social anxiety and became a new person.
After I conquered my social phobia, I still couldn’t make a lot of sense of all the dating advice, the seduction techniques, or anything else. And since I cured my social anxiety, my dating life, sex life and love life have become incredible, without using any of these techniques.
So here’s the secret to get girls interested in you:
Consider the alternative. You study all the routines, turn yourself into a high-energy buffoon to entertain a set, you play some dishonest psychological tricks to “isolate” a girl and “lower her defenses”, and if you do everything right, maybe you’ll “close”, get a number, a kiss, or maybe even some lousy sex with a girl dumb, drunk or desperate enough to fall for these tricks.
But how about finding quality girls (beautiful, smart, and interesting) that like you for who you really are? I’m a big fan of having several stable friends-with-benefits. The sex becomes incredibly better when you’re comfortable with each other; you have no idea what you’re missing if you’re interested in “getting laid” and writing a “field report”.
And that just doesn’t happen if you’re putting on a show. Because that’s not you. Not only girls are extremely good at picking this up, keeping up with a fake persona is pretty exhausting!
Instead, you must become interesting. Do you like yourself? Would you date yourself? Would you fuck yourself? If you answer “no” to any of these, that’s where you need to start. Don’t do it for the girls. Do it for you.
“Interesting” means different things to different people, so it’s not surprising that there’s more than one way to become interesting. But that’s the beauty of this: if you become the most interesting version of yourself, you don’t have to change, or pretend you’re someone you’re not, and girls will flock to you.
There are two things every girl responds to: being passionate, and being different.
By “being passionate” I don’t mean being passionate in bed; of course they respond to that, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves!
What I mean is being passionate about something. It doesn’t matter what it is, really, but in general it has to be something active. Being passionate about watching sports is far too common; being passionate about playing a sport is entirely different. But it doesn’t have to be a sport, as long as it’s something you do. It can be painting, or cooking, or photography, or playing video games, or rollerskating. It doesn’t matter how “nerdy” or “needy” or “girly” you think something is, if it’s your true passion, it will be attractive.
By “being different” I mean something simpler - don’t be just like every other guy on Tinder with a picture of his abs and a picture with a cute dog. Why not? Because you’ll be judged by your abs, and unless you have the best ones, you’ll lose. Instead, by being different, you put yourself into a different category entirely!
Two things to keep in mind.
First, you need to be authentic. Don’t pick a hobby or activity because you think girls will think it’s cool; pick something you think it’s cool.
Second, you don’t need to be weird. A hobby is something you do, not something you are. Do not lose your own personality. Do not become a one-trick pony. Do not let your hobby define you; even better, pick up a handful of hobbies of different types (intellectual, physical, artistic,…), and besides getting more girls than you know what to do with, you’ll accidentally become a well-rounded person!
Any activity you enjoy can turn into a hobby!
Be social. In any reasonably big city, you will almost certainly find people who share your interests. You will also make new friends, and depending on the activity, you may even meet girls right there.
Don’t be afraid to try. You don’t know until you try! Sign up for free taster sessions of anything that feels remotely interesting. You may discover you love things you never even thought about!
Be a good listener. Don’t go into any activity being a know-it-all; instead, listen to others, learn, and if you can, contribute something valuable. Help others improve, and they will love you for it.
If any of these ideas feel daunting, ask yourself whether you have social anxiety or social phobia - you can’t really do any of these until you fix that main issue blocking you. I know, I was there. Everything else, all the positive change in my life, was only made possible by getting rid of my social anxiety first.
Becoming an interesting person will set you apart; girls will want to know more about you.
It will make you feel better about yourself, which will in turn make you feel confident - in an entirely natural, authentic way; girls respond to authentic confidence.
It will give you things to talk about. People are genuinely interested in people who are passionate about what they do. You’ll meet more girls and make more friends than you ever thought possible.
And you will be happier - because you’ll be a better version of yourself, living according to your own passions, having fun, with the company of quality girls in your life; not someone wearing a mask and putting on a show just to get some lousy lays.
Believe me, life gets better.
To the New You,
© Social-Anxiety-Guide.com 2017
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